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I have been embracing an all natural/holistic lifestyle since 2009. I have been on my spiritual journey since 2014. That's a 5 year difference. It took me 5 YEARS to realize that only prioritizing my physical health and sometimes my mental health was not going to cut it. I wasn't raised especially religious or involved in the church, but my family is from South Carolina, so we identified as Southern Baptist Christians (yes even in New York). As soon as I was old enough, I chose to get as far away from the hypocritical Christians that I had experienced growing up. Only God can judge me right? And that was the end of my spirituality. Or so I thought.

Fast forward, to 2009. Everything was just going wrong for me. My life was in shambles. I recently had to drop out of college and return home, which thrusted me into a deep depression. I quickly realized I would fuse to my sofa if I didn't try at life. So I started working out. Of course were talking doing Walk-at-home DVD videos because my hatred for the gym runs deep. Once I started losing weight, I started to feel like my old self again. But, let me tell you, the reunion was short lived. I was back to feeling like the version of myself, before experiencing one of the biggest disappointments in my life. But boy was she broken. I had gotten my mental health under control, I was expressing myself through my writing, keeping in touch with loved ones, I had gotten my own place and some sense of independence back, but it was always fleeting. ​


For the better half of my adult life I have struggled. From couch surfing in college because I couldn't afford tuition, getting blackout drunk, having an emotional episode, and remembering none of it; and never feeling financially secure. And overall I felt unseen, unappreciated, and alone. Eventually these emotions catch up to you and you begin to self sabotage, and so I did. It took me reaching rock bottom, then rock bottom a few more times before I realized I needed to do some deep soul searching. I really needed to figure out what was going on with me internally, in order to fix it. I wanted happiness and success and the lives that all my peers seemed to be living. Dabbling in and researching spirituality outside of organized religion helped me to learn about self reflection, self actualization, self realization, all the selves!

Focusing on my emotions allowed me to understand them, to make real changes to my life and to no longer act solely based off my emotions. I learned discipline, self control and self love. I learned that what I was experiencing wasn't normal and I didn't have to just accept it. And most importantly, I learned how to gauge it. Tracking or being mindful of your progress along your journey is crucial, but not if you can't decipher it or if you're comparing it to another person's journey. It teaches you tunnel vision & the ability to focus in on/accept the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of you. That's how you heal, that is how you take control of your life instead of letting life just happen to you.

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